It's Labor Day Week, 2003. You hear on the news that the Patriots have released veteran Pro Bowl Safety Lawyer Milloy. You’re in disbelief, and the team is in disbelief and to make the point, the Patriots get slammed by the Buffalo Bills - with their new safety Lawyer Milloy whom they picked up off waivers just a few days before, 31-0.

You say - or admit to yourself: This ain't their year. Then the Fairy Football God snickers over your shoulder and says, "Don'tcha worry yourself. Them Patriots will be 11-2 in Week 14 and be winning the AFC East and clinching the playoffs with a goose-egg win over Miami at the Razor. Just relax."

You snarl some obscenities at the fairy, but he just snickers again. "That'll also be the best record in the league with a tie breaker."

Sound like a fairy tale? Well, it isn't. It is reality, so get used to it, Patriots Nation! They are the first team this season to clinch a Division Title.

In a day where the days leading up included more than two feet of snow, a struggling offensive battle led to the Patriots winning 12-0. Only one trip to the red zone, which led to an Adam Vinatieri field goal (he later missed a 54 yarder into the wind) was all the Patriots needed. But the Defense came up huge, keeping Miami out of the red zone all together. They even scored twice. Tedy Bruschi intercepted a Jay Fiedler pass on the 5-yard line and ran it in for a touchdown. Fiedler was sacked by Jarvis Green in the endzone for a safety, and the fans erupted by tossing snow into the air, making Gillette Stadium look like fireworks were being set off in the stands. What a sight!

"Man, I was just impressed with the coordination of the whole thing," said guard Damien Woody said of the snowball fireworks created by the fans. "Their timing was pretty good."

That wasn’t the only thing that had good timing. Rodney Harrison was timing hits and sacks like it was a walk in the park. New Punter Brooks Barnard even timed his punts well, averaging 36.5 yards over ten punts, a couple inside the ten yard line. Ty Law had an interception. Jarvis Green timed his sack for a safety well. And Richard Seymour played offense a little, filling in at fullback and making big holes for Antowain Smith.

The New England Patriots, AFC East Champions for the second time in three years, and currently 11-2. The last three games are against losing teams; Jags at home, at the Jets and the Bills at home. Timing is everything.

RAVENS (8-5) 31, BENGALS (7-6) 13 - FINAL: Battle for the AFC North and the Ravens take big step forward. I'm not getting off the Bengal Bandwagon - at least not yet. But none of us really believed Marvin Lewis was going to have a good team until next year. But the performance this year gets them further ahead of plan, and there's a plenty of football left this season.

Chargers (3-10) 14, LIONS (4-9) 7 - FINAL: Flutie Magic evidently still works against bad teams.

Buccaneers (6-7) 14, SAINTS (6-7) 7 - FINAL: NFC South teams battling for the cellar. Neither will see fun in January - unless they think fun is renting the entire first season of "The Osbournes," just to see if Sharon has any Randy Rhodes jewelry kicking around.

PACKERS (7-6) 34, Bears (5-8) 21 - FINAL: The Pack kept three steps ahead of this one and pulled out a big divisional win. In Chicago, well, Dick Jauron is on the farewell tour, and today he said farewell to Lambeau.

VIKINGS (8-5) 34, Seahawks (8-5) 7 - FINAL: Well, this is an ironic twist. Seattle was supposed to be good, while Minnesota was supposed to be a bunch of fakes. Who knew?

STEELERS (5-8) 27, Raiders (3-10) 7 - FINAL: Big deal, look at the records. Neither team is going anywhere after December 28th.

Redskins (5-8) 20, GIANTS (4-9) 7 - FINAL: The difference between these two NFC East losers is that Steve Spurrier is trying to make the most of his farewell tour whereas Jim Fassell is already on vacation.

JAGUARS (4-9) 27, Texans (5-8) 0 - FINAL: Well, this is not good. Getting goose-egged is one thing. Getting goose-egged by Jacksonville is just sorry.

EAGLES (10-3) 36, Cowboys (8-5) 10 - FINAL: The Eagles, another team who started off slow, have captured the NFC East title and a spot in the playoffs. Dallas has proved that they were a phony team this season, and it just shows you just how far Bill Parcells can motivate a team until they run out of gas.

Colts (10-3) 29, TITANS (9-4) 27 - FINAL: Another tight divisional coming down to the wire. This time Peyton and Co. were able to capitalize when the Titans started to give the ball game away.

49ERS (6-7) 50, Cardinals (3-10) 14 - FINAL: I saw an update around halftime of the Patriots game and the score was like 34-7 and I thought it was a final score. Cripes, what got into Jeff Garcia (maybe his job?) and the 49ers (maybe a snowball's chance at the playoffs?) this week?

BILLS (6-7) 17, Jets (5-8) 6 - FINAL: Dizzy or not, Drew Bledsoe managed a 6-yard pass to Josh Reed for a touchdown. Travis Henry handled the rest, and the Bills are still alive in the playoff picture. Jersey is better than dead.

BRONCOS (8-5) 45, Chiefs (11-2) 27 - FINAL: Oh, what happened to those Chiefs? Finally they've met a team with something to play for and they collapsed. I know what you're saying, I'm going overboard, but it really is fun tooling on Kansas City. Oh, and by the way, this loss puts them in the second seed in the AFC, should the playoffs start today. Mull that one over for a bit.

PATRIOTS (11-2) 12, Dolphins (8-5) 0 - FINAL: Defense, defense, defense, This New England Defense is starting to become legendary, that and the New England weather. I believe both were huge factors in this game.

FALCONS (3-10) 20, Panthers (8-5) 14 - FINAL: Vick returns with a big overtime win. It's the biggest thrill for Dan Reeves all year. And Carolina has now lost three straight. Ick.

The Patriots finally had it with the subpar punting of Ken Walters this week after a terrible showing in Indy that nearly cost the game, and released the veteran after two seasons. Walters had been cut by Carolina in 2001, and was signed by the Patriots that year after a terrible showing by longtime punter Lee Johnson. To replace him is Brooks Barnard, a rookie from Maryland who will get his first NFL start at Gillette Stadium this Sunday against Miami.

Yes, it's that long over due time again to slam 'em and slap 'em.

Oakland (3-10): The dumbest team in football has one of the worst records.
Chargers (3-10): Marty Schottenheimer may be in his last December in Diego.
Steelers (5-8): Ditto for Bill Cowher in Pittsburgh.
Browns (4-8): Can you believe some idiot at the league office gave them a Monday Nighter?
Texans (5-8): Going backwards instead of forward.
Jaguars (4-9): Blanking the Texans isn't a bad thing, it just won't help them.
Giants (4-9): The Fassell Farewell Tour continues to drag on.
Redskins (5-8): The Spurrier Tour is trying to convince everyone it needs another year.
49ers (6-7): Cripes, I just realized the 49ers could have a winning season this year. No good to make the playoffs, but good enough for the Erickson Debut.
Cardinals (3-10): I told you, God Hates Arizona.
Lions (4-9): He doesn't like Detroit either.
Buccaneers (6-7): Hey, Warren Sapp? How's this year feel to you?
Falcons (3-10): This year, new uniforms, old coach. Next year, older uniforms with a new coach.
Saints (6-7): Well, they had a chance. No more.

Vikings (8-5): Back into it? Are ya?
Packers (7-6): Hanging in there? Are ya?
Bills (6-7): Struggling to keep in it? Are ya?
Broncos (8-5): Just wondering, how does it feel to embarrass the Chiefs? Just asking.
Dolphins (8-5): Loss to the Patriots lost them the division, maybe more.
Bengals (7-6): They've had a good season, and they have a chance at a winning one, but they needed to beat Baltimore to get any guarantees.
Cowboys (8-5): Phonies but I can't demote them until they get another loss.

Ravens (8-5): Ray Lewis wants the playoffs in the worst way.
Titans (9-4): They couldn't tough out a win over Indy, and that hurts.
Colts (10-3): They hold the division in their hands.
Rams (9-3): They're back into contention for the trip to Houston.
Seahawks (8-5): They're starting to slide like all the other Seattle teams.
Panthers (8-5): But they've lost three straight, include an OT thriller versus the Vicks.

Patriots (11-2): Top seed, top spot. Something else to defend.
Chiefs (11-2): Even a huge division loss got them in.
Eagles (10-3): Inches away from the Division. Inches.

Every game counts for the rest of the season. But only a few are of the odd type.

Dallas (8-5) at Washington (5-8), 4:15 PM. NFC East game. Dallas can get back into the playoff hunt with a win.

Minnesota (8-5) at Chicago (5-8), 1:00 PM. NFC North game. Minnesota needs to the divisional and home field points.

Seattle (8-5) at St. Louis (9-3), 1:00 PM. NFC West game. Both are near or at the top and this game will matter.

- Belichick on Tom Brady and his pouch punt.

1. The AFC East Champion New England Patriots.

2. I got 30 inches of snow this weekend. How much did you get?

3. What’s so great about a team that gives up 500 yards of offense, including 5 rushing touchdowns? Nothing, and that’s just what the Kansas City Chiefs defense did this weekend against Denver.

4. The Ravens pretty much grabbed a huge chunk of the lot with that big win over Cinci for the top spot in the North. Still four games to go, but Jamal Lewis is one rushing machine and Ray Lewis is the best defensive player in the league.

5. Looks like Dallas is running out of Parcells Gas.

6. Welcome to New England Patriots football, Brooks Barnard. Hope your stay is very long. No pun intended.

7. How about the multiple touchdown leaders? Jeff Garcia of the 49ers had six, four passing, two rushing. Clinton Portis of Denver rushed for five. Amazing!

8. There has to be a number of Patriots players that deserve to go to the Pro Bowl this season, such as Rodney Harrison (the best acquisition of the offseason), Tedy Bruschi, Willie McGinest, Richard Seymour, Ty Law, Tyrone Poole and many more. This defense has just been incredible this season.

9. The big Mike Vick return last night was actually pretty good in the second half. He rushed for 141 yards before the night was over.

10. Hats off to Bruce Smith, who broke the sack record yesterday. Reggie “All Whites are evil” White was the previous record holder.

ejh